Many films in recent years have had trailers that misled the viewer as to the quality of the film. Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer has set a new precedent in this regard. The trailer in fact, comprises the bulk of the pitiful action in the film.
The concept of Galactus vs. The Fantastic Four has never really been that good. Basically it involves very little action. Instead we have a lot of meaningless and shallow drama. Reed and Jessica Alba are getting married!
Which is all threatened when the Silver Surfer flies around causing giant sinkholes for no reason... oh yeah, remember how Doctor Doom died? He got better. This shows the fundamental lack of imagination that runs through this film... and instead of lots of action... we get a lot of Mr. Fantastic and some general doing the alpha male thing.
In all honesty, there wasn't any reason why this film had to include the Fantastic Four... it could have been any group of sciency people. The powers were mostly an after thought, it seemed. Beyond this staggering mediocrity though,there is a greater insult. Galactus - one of Marvel's most powerful beings - IS NOTHING BUT A CLOUD OF DEADLY SPACE GAS!
Thus making this the stupidest film ever.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
It's somewhat ironic that science-fiction is often, sometimes very quickly, surpassed by science fact. Now, that isn't to say that you've missed the advent of artificial gravity or faster than light travel... no, it's often the case that everyday technology can surpass what is demonstrated in TV shows.
It wasn't until the 10th Star Trek film - Nemesis - that we actually saw the use of wireless. Before everything had to be done by a touch screen... and while some Trek fans might think that LCARS - the name of the Federation's interface system - represents the pinnacle of advancement... it seems rather strange that people should even have to be sitting down and hitting buttons at all.
There are instances - mostly notably the Borg - who have massive interface but somewhat laughably, this most technologically upgraded of races seems to suffer one flaw. In Voyager a drone has to get out of its alcove, go to a panel and hit some buttons to see what's going on... surely the whole POINT of having a body full of cybernetic implants is that you're tied into everything.
More to the point, some are predicting that some manner of interface between the brain and computers could be possible within two to three decades. Even at a primitive level this would surely vastly surface even the most sophisticated tactile interface. Hence, the general total lack of neural interfaces - you could probably could them on one hand - in all televisual sci-fi, is somewhat jarring.
There's also a disturbing lack of integration. It took us some years to get a phaser with a light on it (in Doom 3 you could travel to Mars but not get a gun with a light on) and people are forever running from one console to another, tossing around different data pads. Right now, you could go out and buy an integrated mobile, camera, video, PDA etc. etc. 300 years in the future and communication on away missions is limited to an audio channel? Hell, it was a big deal to get Geordi's VISOR linked up to the view screen one time.
Not only this but despite the fact it's actually a piece of cake to do face to face chats, people are CONSTANTLY running all over the ship because five words can't be exchanged in anything BUT person. The ship is under attack but oh, there's plenty of time for us to all run down to engineering and hear three sentences that could have been said over comms. If you ran an actual ship like that, you'd probably be dead before you got there. Although, that could be dismissed as dramatic license.
Still, it doesn't change the fact that while warp drives get faster, shields get stronger and weapons more powerful that the kind of useful and integrated technology we take for granted in society today can be utterly alien in the future.
It wasn't until the 10th Star Trek film - Nemesis - that we actually saw the use of wireless. Before everything had to be done by a touch screen... and while some Trek fans might think that LCARS - the name of the Federation's interface system - represents the pinnacle of advancement... it seems rather strange that people should even have to be sitting down and hitting buttons at all.
There are instances - mostly notably the Borg - who have massive interface but somewhat laughably, this most technologically upgraded of races seems to suffer one flaw. In Voyager a drone has to get out of its alcove, go to a panel and hit some buttons to see what's going on... surely the whole POINT of having a body full of cybernetic implants is that you're tied into everything.
More to the point, some are predicting that some manner of interface between the brain and computers could be possible within two to three decades. Even at a primitive level this would surely vastly surface even the most sophisticated tactile interface. Hence, the general total lack of neural interfaces - you could probably could them on one hand - in all televisual sci-fi, is somewhat jarring.
There's also a disturbing lack of integration. It took us some years to get a phaser with a light on it (in Doom 3 you could travel to Mars but not get a gun with a light on) and people are forever running from one console to another, tossing around different data pads. Right now, you could go out and buy an integrated mobile, camera, video, PDA etc. etc. 300 years in the future and communication on away missions is limited to an audio channel? Hell, it was a big deal to get Geordi's VISOR linked up to the view screen one time.
Not only this but despite the fact it's actually a piece of cake to do face to face chats, people are CONSTANTLY running all over the ship because five words can't be exchanged in anything BUT person. The ship is under attack but oh, there's plenty of time for us to all run down to engineering and hear three sentences that could have been said over comms. If you ran an actual ship like that, you'd probably be dead before you got there. Although, that could be dismissed as dramatic license.
Still, it doesn't change the fact that while warp drives get faster, shields get stronger and weapons more powerful that the kind of useful and integrated technology we take for granted in society today can be utterly alien in the future.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 has made what should be dubbed "The Matrix Mistake".
What is The Matrix mistake? Well, The Matrix was a good film that was a big hit and - magically - became a trilogy when this occurred... a trilogy that consisted of part 1 and part 2a and b... not much of a trilogy.
Pirates seems to make an almost identical mistake... although if there was any coherent vision of how the 2nd and 3rd film should fit together, or indeed any coherent vision for the third film at all, it wasn't anywhere to be seen. There is simply a string of happenings that feel as if they were cobbled together at the last moment, with little rhyme or reason.
Concepts and ideas that are entirely new are treated as if they've been around since the start of the franchise - when it felt as if they'd just been tossed in to move the interminable plot along. The writers surely thought they were being clever but they utterly missed what made the original so charming, an interweaving multi-threaded plot... Were the original film to have a plot akin to a tapestry then PotC 3 would have one more like a tangled ball of string that had been toyed with by a dozen cats.
The action is there but one has to question the motivations of the characters and of course... the fact that not one but two characters are brought back from the dead just makes the notion of suspense ludicrous... after all if they can resurrect people once, why not twice? Just another example of how no one really thought this through.
All in all, it's a jumbled mess of a movie that will doubtless make a lot of money but will probably never enjoy the fond memories of the first. Certainly, the action is in there but really... that's about it. The humour is forced, the performances so-so... forget the romance angle and of course, get ready for the backstory to get periodically yanked from beneath your feet as another new idea is talked about as if it was always there.
What is The Matrix mistake? Well, The Matrix was a good film that was a big hit and - magically - became a trilogy when this occurred... a trilogy that consisted of part 1 and part 2a and b... not much of a trilogy.
Pirates seems to make an almost identical mistake... although if there was any coherent vision of how the 2nd and 3rd film should fit together, or indeed any coherent vision for the third film at all, it wasn't anywhere to be seen. There is simply a string of happenings that feel as if they were cobbled together at the last moment, with little rhyme or reason.
Concepts and ideas that are entirely new are treated as if they've been around since the start of the franchise - when it felt as if they'd just been tossed in to move the interminable plot along. The writers surely thought they were being clever but they utterly missed what made the original so charming, an interweaving multi-threaded plot... Were the original film to have a plot akin to a tapestry then PotC 3 would have one more like a tangled ball of string that had been toyed with by a dozen cats.
The action is there but one has to question the motivations of the characters and of course... the fact that not one but two characters are brought back from the dead just makes the notion of suspense ludicrous... after all if they can resurrect people once, why not twice? Just another example of how no one really thought this through.
All in all, it's a jumbled mess of a movie that will doubtless make a lot of money but will probably never enjoy the fond memories of the first. Certainly, the action is in there but really... that's about it. The humour is forced, the performances so-so... forget the romance angle and of course, get ready for the backstory to get periodically yanked from beneath your feet as another new idea is talked about as if it was always there.
Friday, June 01, 2007
How to be a "villain" race...
1. Be ugly looking... the lack of a human face really helps. Also being inorganic means that you can get blasted day in and day out and no one need worry... just look at the original Cylons, or the droids in Star Wars. Of course, failing that you can just wear something to make you a faceless enemy (like stormtroopers) or just be REAAAAL ugly.
2. Make sure to start out really powerful and mysterious but that if you get popular, all that mystery can eventually be explained away in generic, banal, unimaginative ways and that despite the fact when you first turned up you were practically unbeatable that as time passes, giving you a thrashing becomes easier than changing the channel.
3. Under that evil, kill all humans and destroy the universe mentality - make sure you've got a caring, sharing side... because even evil robots and psychotic mutants sometimes need to break down and have a good cry.
4. If you've decided to create a device to destroy or enslave the world/galaxy/universe - make sure to put in a handy flaw that will allow a small force of good guys to destroy it.
5. Make sure you're good at exposition.
6. If you start out all shiny and special effecty, make sure that at some point - for no real reason - you take on human form... that's what your enemy least expects.
7. In the unlikely event of capturing the good guys - never, ever kill them... despite the fact that this will instantly assure your victory. Instead, keep them locked up or just tell them your plans and then act all surprised when they escape or have just wandered off while you drone on.
8. Have a clearly defined hierarchy... At the top you've got the mincing, expositioning leader... he'll generally have a sinister henchman or two and of course, there will be an unlimited supply of faceless drones/stormtroopers/shoeboxes to throw at the good guys...
9. Be terrible at poker... often the good guys will be at your mercy but then! They'll come up with an outrageous bluff - if you're going to be an evil race, you've simply got to accept this, despite the fact it's probably not even possible.
10. Always underestimate the enemy - despite the fact you've lost to them dozens of times, you should never really take the good guys as a threat... so, make sure you toy with them while you congratulate yourself on your imminent victory.
11. Never follow through - always be satisfied that if it seems like a good guy is dead, that he is... even though this has happened repeatedly and he never is. Also, never try the same plan twice. Just because it would have worked last time and would be pretty easy to just do again and do right, it's best to just abandon that plan and move onto the next.
12. Never have a plan B - in the event of your superweapon, overly complex plan or similar failing... never have a contingency, that's the preserve of the good guys... just shake your fist and get out of there... or die.
1. Be ugly looking... the lack of a human face really helps. Also being inorganic means that you can get blasted day in and day out and no one need worry... just look at the original Cylons, or the droids in Star Wars. Of course, failing that you can just wear something to make you a faceless enemy (like stormtroopers) or just be REAAAAL ugly.
2. Make sure to start out really powerful and mysterious but that if you get popular, all that mystery can eventually be explained away in generic, banal, unimaginative ways and that despite the fact when you first turned up you were practically unbeatable that as time passes, giving you a thrashing becomes easier than changing the channel.
3. Under that evil, kill all humans and destroy the universe mentality - make sure you've got a caring, sharing side... because even evil robots and psychotic mutants sometimes need to break down and have a good cry.
4. If you've decided to create a device to destroy or enslave the world/galaxy/universe - make sure to put in a handy flaw that will allow a small force of good guys to destroy it.
5. Make sure you're good at exposition.
6. If you start out all shiny and special effecty, make sure that at some point - for no real reason - you take on human form... that's what your enemy least expects.
7. In the unlikely event of capturing the good guys - never, ever kill them... despite the fact that this will instantly assure your victory. Instead, keep them locked up or just tell them your plans and then act all surprised when they escape or have just wandered off while you drone on.
8. Have a clearly defined hierarchy... At the top you've got the mincing, expositioning leader... he'll generally have a sinister henchman or two and of course, there will be an unlimited supply of faceless drones/stormtroopers/shoeboxes to throw at the good guys...
9. Be terrible at poker... often the good guys will be at your mercy but then! They'll come up with an outrageous bluff - if you're going to be an evil race, you've simply got to accept this, despite the fact it's probably not even possible.
10. Always underestimate the enemy - despite the fact you've lost to them dozens of times, you should never really take the good guys as a threat... so, make sure you toy with them while you congratulate yourself on your imminent victory.
11. Never follow through - always be satisfied that if it seems like a good guy is dead, that he is... even though this has happened repeatedly and he never is. Also, never try the same plan twice. Just because it would have worked last time and would be pretty easy to just do again and do right, it's best to just abandon that plan and move onto the next.
12. Never have a plan B - in the event of your superweapon, overly complex plan or similar failing... never have a contingency, that's the preserve of the good guys... just shake your fist and get out of there... or die.
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