There is an urban myth... of a video tape - that if you watch, you die. Street Fighter: Legend Of Chun Li won't kill you (probably) but it will make you WANT to die.

The first problem is Kristin Kreuk as the eponymous character. Her acting was barely acceptable by TV standards, so expecting her to carry even a low budget film was never a good idea. Secondly, you may be surprised to find out that Kreuk is half-Chinese - because she really doesn't look it. In fact, she never looks the part and really - they could have said she was Cammy for all the difference it makes.

So, Kreuk is basically daughter to a wealthy business man - but turns out daddy goes and get taken hostage by the EVIL M. BISON! M. Bison is Irish by the way... and blonde and apparently his "evil" involved some petty thieving before transiting into property development. Yes - the megalomaniac who wanders around going "OF COURSE!" with a giant red cape and cap and general martial arts stuff is gone. Now, some might say - that's due to a demand for realism? Actually, no. Chun Li tosses fireballs around and manages to drop about thirty floors without missing a beat - after a very Les Yay fight with one of Bison's henchwomen, which also involved her hurricane kick. Yes, she was upside down, rotating with her legs akimbo a few feet above the ground for several seconds. Is no one AMAZED by that? No.

So, basically the film goes from one idiotic scene to another. It's all just so WTF. After Chun Li's dear dad gets kidnapped she goes on the whole "find the guy who did it" thing. This involves some guy who used to be in M. Bison's EVIL property developer gang. Damn them! So he teaches Kreuk how to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and FIREBALLS. Also, fighting blindfold. Presumably they didn't put in bullet time because they didn't have the money, so we have a bizarre scene with Kreuk catching stuff tossed at bells.

There's a bunch of stuff to try and make you give a damn about how all these people are being evicted from their homes and given the fact Chun Li seems to have pretty much forgotten about her father by this point, that seems sensible. So, we get the inevitable bit where Chun Li's master sacrifices himself and we get some more time wasting and then Chun Li has the paint by numbers fight with the designated M. Bison - the END. THANK FUCK.

This film is pretty much a crime against humanity. If you're not intoxicated in some manner when you watch this, you might be driven insane by it, such is the awfulness. Kreuk does not look the part, she does not act the part and really, most of the martial arts of note are the hilarious fly by wire stuff, nothing else is anything more than the choreographed equivalent of beige. The plot is practically non-existent and one has to ask WHY? Hell, Street Fighter the FILM did a better job of Chun Li's backstory and M. Bison was... M. Bison - NOT A BLONDE IRISH PROPERTY DEVELOPER. That would be like making Emperor Palpatine a flamboyant encyclopaedia salesman... although, we'll have to wait for future "improvements" to Star Wars to see if Lucas goes for that.

Bottom line: STAY AWAY! Far, far away