Some names when involved with a potentially interesting film, lead one's heart to sink... so, naturally any expectations for Pandorum should evaporate when one sees that Paul W.S. Anderson is producing. In fact, it may be worth remarking upon the fact that some time ago Anderson directed the somewhat obscure sci-fi horror Event Horizon. Despite the time which has passed - that film remains superior.

The premise of the film is like some manner of composite of tropes and cliches. The monsters are the offspring of those creepy beasties from The Descent and Ghosts Of Mars, most of the film involves the ever popular running around dark tunnels and everyone's favourite AMNESIA! Really, the amnesia is just there to justify the exposition and there's so little plot here, it's really not needed. Oh, wait! Flashbacks! We get a few of those too! Even though they serve no real purpose beyond padding.

So, Earth gets massively overpopulated - and the Elysium is built to go and find a conveniently discovered Earth-like planet that could sustain a human colony. What isn't revealed immediately is that the purpose of this giant ship full of people is to colonise the planet. One area where the film should gain some kudos - the ship is actually flying at sub-light speeds but don't worry plenty of time to make up for that lapse! Which really isn't too long - apparently the monsters are actually the colonists which made them EVOLVE! Or something. It's not really explained but then, it's not the kind of film that should ever try and have a clever story.

The protagonists wake up with aforementioned amnesia and find everything is broken and realise that they're in the "generic something went terribly wrong and we're fucked" scenario. The sci-fi horror clichés pile up and what little plot is given by snatches of exposition. We get a mandatory ticking clock and a twist and then it plods its way dutifully to the end.

It's hard to say anything about the film - it's just so very unremarkable. It's not bad... it's just a waste of time but hard to hold any strong feelings about it.

Regardless of how much contempt, loathing and hatred is showered upon Twilight - no one can deny that while it has been roundly critically bent over a table that it made money. And so, it came to be - vampires were the new fad!

So - someone thought it was a good idea to make a Twilight imitation with the original title, Vampire Diaries - so you know it has vampires in it! This shows première is mind crushingly banal, it makes the last season of Smallville seem like Shakespeare by comparison. For no reason, we have our main vampire character enrol in high school. He establishes he's over 100 years old! Oh, there's something about one the girls being something important or something stupid like that and while vampires here don't sparkle... they're entirely immune to sunlight, apparently. Hence their ability to stalk girls at high school.

The female protagonist is some vanilla blandness that had her parents die - presumably of boredom. What is there to say of her? Oh, she has a brother who is apparently doing the drugs - coz he's sad. It's just so hard to care about this, it's generic good looking high school drama WITH VAMPIRES. Honestly, regardless of what you had to say about Buffy - at least it had characters that weren't such cardboard cut outs. It's ironic that one of that the brother is on the drugs because the acting in this show isn't bad - it simply isn't there.

If there wasn't much to say about Defying Gravity - there's nothing to say about this. It's just so insipid and derivative. Sure, Defying Gravity stole a pre-existing concept down to the ship design but at least they tossed in mystery. This is just Twilight: The Series.

Bottom line: Try and forget that shows like this even exist - they will only diminish your will to live and increase your hatred of humanity.

Sci-fi is never easy as a genre on TV, you're instantly just by having that word in your description making a big demographic have their hand drift toward the remote control. So, in recent years shows have tried to move away from the archetypal aliens of the week and have tried to be rather more involved in terms of drama and characterisation. The most obvious and successful example being Battlestar Galactica, which was very much about the characters and their interactions.

So, it seems like Lost and BSG got drunk, fumbled around and had Defying Gravity, the newest shade of sci-fi bland. We've got a not too distant future situation and we're following the trials and tribulations of some astronauts on a trip around the solar system for MYSTERIOUS REASONS!

The first thing to notice is the irritating narration. This will come in pretty regularly - maybe they got the idea from Heroes! - and just try and make some obvious point about what has just happened. Also, it's incredibly opaque as regards the fact it's a voyage in space. Static caravans seem to be more in motion than this space vessel. Granted, in the solar system it's probably somewhat hard to convey a sense of motion as it's really only planets that you can see getting larger or smaller but that's what exterior shots are for.

Another thing to mention is - this is basically a long, drawn out BLATANT thieving of the concept behind the quite enjoyable BBC production "Voyage To The Planets" which is a two part docudrama about - you guessed it - a journey around the solar system with people landing on planets! Admittedly, it's a more pointless trip than in Defying Gravity but then Defying Gravity shamelessly stole the ship design.

There's really not a lot to say about this show - it has bland, generic flashbacks which were old news by the end of season one of Lost and the big reveal was just so lacklustre and not even a big reveal, so there is inevitably to be more magical mystery - if the show makes it that far, which seems far from certain. So - a dull, lacklustre show with forgettable characters with a premise clearly lifted from elsewhere and with populist elements dolloped on.

Bottom line: Don't bother - dull, bland and derivative. The televisual equivalent of beige.

So, again it's time to comment on how DC has a whopping one live action film franchise (albeit one that is probably the best critically received) while Marvel has a half-dozen projects in the works... but of course, DC is producing animated features and the latest is Green Lantern: First Flight.

So, Hal Jordan is just in a flight simulator when a Green Lantern ring takes him to a dying Green Lantern and before you know it, he's all Green Lantern'd up and... well, y'know... and this is in the first five minutes. No need to take the origin story slow, eh? Of course, it's somewhat difficult to give a great deal of depth to a Green Lantern origin - it's pretty much "here's your ring, good luck with that."

And we get him head off to Oa and all of a sudden, Hal is doing the Green Lantern thing with Sinestro. For those that are unaware of Sinestro's backstory - it's fair to say that his role as bad guy is telegraphed and that it's all but impossible to miss the fact he's cast as the traitor type character for whom the phrase "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" was surely coined. He's openly contemptuous of the Masters and shows very little in the way of restraint. He and Hal are running a very literal good cop/bad cop routine.

We pretty much bounce from this scene to another - bigger action scene... and then, it's just exposition about Sinestro's end game, framing up Hal and then setting up the big fight at the end... As usual, we're in a very short turn around. About seventy minutes... so, really - there's very little time between events for anything approaching character development or serious plot, which seems silly as we got a decent amount of that in Wonder Woman but here, it feels a lot more flat. In fact, Sinestro is the only character that really feels fleshed out.

There are - of course - plenty of the Green Lantern roster for those that know their stuff from the comic or cartoons but hardly any of them really get any time. To the point Killawog is probably the only one that anyone will remember. Even Hal feels a little flat. Oh, yes - he's the square jawed good guy who pretty much walks in and kicks ass with his power ring (despite a total lack of training) but Sinestro just feels like he has more depth but that's possibly a function of the fact he gets a comparable amount of screen time to Hal and he has motives and so on, Hal is kind of just along for the ride.

All in all, it's ok. It's fun... there's some pretty cool action in there but it's just not Wonder Woman but not amazing or anything. Too shallow and the action really doesn't compare to Wonder Woman... or the plot... or the characters.

District 9 has been one of the most highly anticipated films of 2009 - and that can be said without adding the qualifier of sci-fi. The basic premise being aliens pull up over Johannesburg but... due to the nature of their society, they don't really have any leadership. So they sit around on their ship for three months before people cut it open.

We then jump forward a couple of decades and the ship is still sitting there and District 9 is a big shanty town for the million or so "prawns" that were inside the ship. People seem pretty blasé about the aliens, in fact - even actively hostile, with resentment and a demand for segregation. Needless to say, while none of the characters in the film ever MENTION Apartheid - the parallels are blatant and utterly undisguised.

If you can live with that, then this is an interesting film. Enjoyable, action packed and certainly one of the smartest films of the year thus far. There are a few plot holes and the change in the style (the film starts in a documentary style and then for reasons that are fairly obvious, it becomes more conventional) can be a little jarring... but certainly an all around entertaining film that looks AMAZING for the comparatively modest budget of $30m. Honestly, the fact that the aliens in this film are almost entirely CGI is easy to forget and films with bigger budgets have done far less convincing work, with far more money.

There is an urban myth... of a video tape - that if you watch, you die. Street Fighter: Legend Of Chun Li won't kill you (probably) but it will make you WANT to die.

The first problem is Kristin Kreuk as the eponymous character. Her acting was barely acceptable by TV standards, so expecting her to carry even a low budget film was never a good idea. Secondly, you may be surprised to find out that Kreuk is half-Chinese - because she really doesn't look it. In fact, she never looks the part and really - they could have said she was Cammy for all the difference it makes.

So, Kreuk is basically daughter to a wealthy business man - but turns out daddy goes and get taken hostage by the EVIL M. BISON! M. Bison is Irish by the way... and blonde and apparently his "evil" involved some petty thieving before transiting into property development. Yes - the megalomaniac who wanders around going "OF COURSE!" with a giant red cape and cap and general martial arts stuff is gone. Now, some might say - that's due to a demand for realism? Actually, no. Chun Li tosses fireballs around and manages to drop about thirty floors without missing a beat - after a very Les Yay fight with one of Bison's henchwomen, which also involved her hurricane kick. Yes, she was upside down, rotating with her legs akimbo a few feet above the ground for several seconds. Is no one AMAZED by that? No.

So, basically the film goes from one idiotic scene to another. It's all just so WTF. After Chun Li's dear dad gets kidnapped she goes on the whole "find the guy who did it" thing. This involves some guy who used to be in M. Bison's EVIL property developer gang. Damn them! So he teaches Kreuk how to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and FIREBALLS. Also, fighting blindfold. Presumably they didn't put in bullet time because they didn't have the money, so we have a bizarre scene with Kreuk catching stuff tossed at bells.

There's a bunch of stuff to try and make you give a damn about how all these people are being evicted from their homes and given the fact Chun Li seems to have pretty much forgotten about her father by this point, that seems sensible. So, we get the inevitable bit where Chun Li's master sacrifices himself and we get some more time wasting and then Chun Li has the paint by numbers fight with the designated M. Bison - the END. THANK FUCK.

This film is pretty much a crime against humanity. If you're not intoxicated in some manner when you watch this, you might be driven insane by it, such is the awfulness. Kreuk does not look the part, she does not act the part and really, most of the martial arts of note are the hilarious fly by wire stuff, nothing else is anything more than the choreographed equivalent of beige. The plot is practically non-existent and one has to ask WHY? Hell, Street Fighter the FILM did a better job of Chun Li's backstory and M. Bison was... M. Bison - NOT A BLONDE IRISH PROPERTY DEVELOPER. That would be like making Emperor Palpatine a flamboyant encyclopaedia salesman... although, we'll have to wait for future "improvements" to Star Wars to see if Lucas goes for that.

Bottom line: STAY AWAY! Far, far away

In 1990, back when gaming was played exclusively on screens the size of postcards in darkened rooms, a game was released and - yes, you guessed it... that game was The Secret Of Monkey Island... probably launching one of the most critically acclaimed and well known adventure game franchises of all time. With quirky humour, amusing characters and no fear of sending itself up... it's not surprising that it embedded itself into a certain section of the collective gaming conscience.

So, 19 years on and three sequels later we come to the first chapter of a new Monkey Island tale... appropriately called Tales Of Monkey Island: Launch Of The Screaming Narwhal. Probably the first thing any Monkey Island veteran will notice is that most of the original voice cast returns, most importantly Guybrush is back as if he never left.

All rather surprising, as the adventure genre has all but died out due to the stifling monoculture of FPS games... and MMOs. Regardless of trends in gaming, here we have a spiffy new adventure game. Long story short - it's funny, has a good level of difficulty... Guybrush is the MIGHTY PIRATE and so on... not really more than a weekend of play if you're casual.

Wholesome pirate fun.

When Heroes appeared a few years back it was met with universal adoration from critics and audiences alike. It made the initial hype of Lost seem luke warm by comparison. A story of ordinary people with extraordinary powers - mostly just trying to live their lives and yet all being drawn together by fate. Most people would agree that it was probably one of the most easily compelling pieces of TV for many years. In short - it was a well conceived and well executed, developed its characters and built up and up and up to a

The show - like many others - was somewhat inconvenienced by the Writers Strike but regardless, ploughed on. Naturally, when your entire first season is generally considered a televisual masterpiece -that's going to be a hard act to follow. Especially as almost all the storylines brought up were resolved - aside from a few people who may or may not have been alive or dead.

In many ways, this created an almost immediate problem for the show. There was no inherent direction for it to go. While the destruction of New York is far from the top of the scale of epic, the ending didn't really create any particular reason for the characters to stay together. This led to one of the biggest differences between season one and season two. With season one, we hit the ground running. We know there are all these people with special abilities and continue to build momentum with their interwoven tales. Season two was, by contrast - ponderous. As events pick up four months after the climax of season one - we find that, indeed - many of the characters have moved on and so we spend a considerable amount of time establishing this. Also, it's worth noting that a season slated for twenty four episodes became one that was eleven episodes... you'd think that would mean it was MORE intense.

It was lacklustre and introduced some characters that... just went nowhere... and a lot of story lines... that went nowhere. We had a whole character arc with Hiro that seems to have had pretty much no effect. We had Peter go through a character arc... that seems to have had pretty much no effect (beyond depowering him). Ditto Sylar. Ditto Claire. Ditto EVERYONE.

Season 3 was just a BIG mess though. Oh, we had plenty going on! It was just that we traded the sort of... real people dealing with powers angle for SUPERHERO SOAP OPERA! Now, that's not bad per se but we had so many "Oh, I wasn't really dead." And so on type stuff... and "I'm your father... no, not really." And so on. It's a soap opera in the truest American sense of the word.

The ante is upped in season 3, in that THE WORLD IS AT STAKE! Also, we go all X-men - because apparently everyone with powers must be contained... The Company was SO much more interesting than generic government goons taking people down. Yet, here we are in that scenario. It all feels so contrived. People feel as if they're being pushed around like bets on a roulette table, not drawn in by the string of destiny.

Obviously, when your first act is so full of win... it's hard to follow it up - BSG didn't have smooth sailing but almost managed. Lost utterly failed... but Heroes... just went to pieces.

Prototype is at it's heart - nothing more than a mish mash of different tried and tested gameplay and story elements. The free roaming owes a lot to GTA, the gameplay and powers are a lot like what you'll get in Devil May Cry and its ilk and the story is pretty much Resident Evil. While not having an original idea in its pretty little head and not being overly pretty... the game is still great.

Alex Mercer is a - sigh - amensiac who wakes up after being dead. He has to piece together his life and work out what's going on with the infection of Manhattan by a virus and yadda yadda yadda. It's not very original but who cares? YOU GET TO TOSS TANKS AROUND. Literally. You can pick up tanks, cars, helicopters.

The story really isn't very much to write home about - government conspiracy, supersoldiers resulting in zombies and that kind of thing. That's irrelevant - although, as a gameplay dynamic you can run around the city and "absorb" people to uncover the backstory of the game. This absorption can also be used to gain and improve skills and infiltrate enemy bases. It's actually a pretty nifty dynamic. Although, the AI in the game is so AWFUL that you can get away with just dropping 100m from a rooftop dressed as a soldier in front of another soldier and he'll high five you instead of shooting you in the FACE.

Not that point blank machine gun fire would do much becuase it's worth noticing even at the start of the game - you're RIDICULOUSLY powerful. Insanely super powerful and that is why this game rocks. On normal difficulty you are as a GOD. Once you kick in your power ups, you can shrug off artillery shells - small arms fire does noticing. You can heal by chowing down on unsuspecting people in most situations. Really only a pack of Hunters will poses a threat. You can hijack tanks and helicopters, fly (kinda), use the weapons of the soldiers and use a variety of abilities - whip, claws, GIANT SWORD ARM and enhanced strength. Plenty of moves to use.

Beyond the usual storyline missions there are GTAesque challenges that... don't really do much, they're just there for extra playtime. Running along the roof, absorbing people and good old fashioned murder. Not to mention you can just go and break into military bases or tear apart the hives.

The game is to be played purely for fun. There is no deep meaning. The game tries to inject some sense of an epic storyline with the "Web of intrigue" backstory mechanic but that's not really that important. Not are the mini-games - this game is about running around and smashing stuff in a number of awesome ways. It doesn't matter that the plot is a big cliche or that the voice acting is Resident Evil level... it's all just a bit of a laugh.

Terminator is one of the few franchises that managed to accomplish that ever elusive superior sequel, while The Terminator was and is held in high regard, the slightly less gritty and depressing and rather more upbeat and explody Terminator 2: Judgement Day is probably one of the most beloved and popular films in the science fiction or action genre. Naturally, such popular franchises seldom stay on the shelf forever and a few years back we had the rather less well received Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines... which was kind of a rehash of 2 and really seemed like a gratuitous set up for today's topic, Terminator: Salvation.

The "problem" Terminator 2 had was... Judgement Day was averted - that's kind of why they gave Arnie a molten metal bath. So, while Terminator 2 espoused free will and a maleable future... 3 went "Oh, yeah - sorry guys, the war is inevitable, sucks, right?" thus making the events of the film fairly pointless but nicely setting up the events of Salvation, a jolly post-apocalypse fight against giant killer robots. Ok, people sized killer robots... well, some of them are giant - which is awesome.

In fact, one of the best things about the film is that we aren't limited to the iconic shiny skeletons, walking around with plasma weapons. We've got mecha terminators, motorcycle terminators and even kind of little snake ones. It would have been pretty easy for the designers to be lazy and just stick with the established staples, so it's good to see that they didn't skimp on this aspect.

More interesting than the design is the fact the focus of the story is rather less on John Connor. He's got a good amount of screen time but Kyle Reese has a decent amount and a new character Marcus gobbles up plenty of it... in fact, it's really more his story. Which is something of a surprising choice. Really, the logical angle of attack is Kyle Reese and John Connor with their somewhat bizarre relationship...

So, the story? How about the story? Ok - we start out with Marcus on death row. Then we jump to the future, Christian Bale is shooting robots and being awesome... sadly, no one else quite passes the "must be this awesome to live" test and they all die. Yup, there's an inspiring saviour of humanity - managing to preside over the death of everyone in his squad.

Anyway, Marcus and a young Kyle Reese meet up and Kyle doesn't think there's much suspicious about a muddy guy, wandering around the post-apocalyptic wasteland, oblivious of the fact humanity got its ass beat by Skynet and now there are killing death robots, looking to kill any meatbags they see.

Inexplicably, Kyle Reese is a high priority target... but that means Skynet would know the future. So... why would it keep the deathcamps and not just murder everyone if it knows that future stuff? Anyway... we go through some nice actions scenes. Marcus finds his way to John Connor - turns out Marcus is actually a machine... and there is some signal that stops Skynet. The big plan is to use this signal to stop Skynet - even though it's a really obvious trap... guess they should have had admiral Akbar with them.

So, Marcus was designed to go to the Skynet HQ all along - who'd have thought! But he's actually got his free will. This doesn't stop Skynet from going all SHODAN and going through exposition on its plan. Long story short, the battle is won but the war is not yet over - and John Connor gets Marcus's heart... making him mostly just a McGuffin.

JJ Abrams pretty much said from the get go, he never really liked Star Trek as a child... which probably - somewhat perversely - made him a rather good choice for the inevitable reboot of the franchise. Why inevitable? Because Star Trek is just about the longest running sci-fi franchise, with one of the most rabid fanbases...

Which has been the problem in recent years. The TNG films especially were perceived as lengthy episode, aimed at the fanbase - rather than the actual general public. Which isn't a particularly good way to make money. Hence, Hollywood's current golden boy being given the keys to the broken franchise.

There isn't a great deal to say about the film, as it happens. It's solid and enjoyable but... it's forgettable. It skirts close to being little more than a big dumb action film but... it avoids that - not due to the idiotic story - because of the solid casting. Bones and Spock are dead on... Kirk is passable... the other characters are as transitory as they are in the series. So, it's not quite built around the pretty (if rather too frequently prone to lens flare and shaky cam) action scenes entirely. Which isn't to say Nero isn't a two dimensional non-character... because, he is. Even IF you were to read the comic that precedes the film for his background his motivation still equates to BEING INSANE.

Thin story - good characters, good action... decent film. There isn't much to say about it. It's just kinda... And that sums it up. Not QUITE big dumb action but really - not far off. Better than Lost... but so is slamming your genitals in the door.

So, Transformers Animated has returned for a third season. While it's probably not something that could strictly be called a retooling things definitely seem to have changed direction to some extent. Following the revelation that Sari is part machine, she basically becomes - through a series of events - an autobot/human teenager. Her role is notably dialled down and the show has a far greater focus on the robots and a more consistent focus on the conflict between the autobots and decipticons, particularly in regard to Cybertron.

It's a good direction for the show to move. Clearly, this is never going to be the G1 show and it's never really TRIED to be... and it's rather too late in the day for that now. The changes do represent a marginalising of the less interesting aspects... and a general improvement. Still not great... it's not in the same league as Spectacular Spiderman or Wolverine & The X-men... but it's better than it used to be.

Ah, Wolverine - a word that sets a million fanboy hearts racing. Fanboys are shit and need to die.

Of course, the fact Hugh Jackman is Wolverine means... well, girls melt for him. Guys think he's awesome. Fanboys... are like lawyers. Not really human. Not worth the consideration of being human.

This film apparently needed ten minutes extra... it really didn't. It needed a STORY. Wolverine's story is one of the most tediously over covered parts of Marvel continuity these days. Given the fact his origins are SECRET... anyone that touched a comic book probably knows the Weapon X story by heart.

Sadly, even the recent animated Hulk vs. Wolverine managed to do a better job at the Weapon X story... and everything except Wolverine popping his claws back in the mid 19th century is skipped over. Granted, 150 years would be a fair bit to cover but there you go. After we get to Vietnam, gross insubordination leads to the an execution for Sabertooth and Wolverine - who are half brothers, by the way. So, we get to them joining the Weapon X project. Wolverine gets a bit bored of murdering people - he has apparently fought in a good portion of all major conflicts in the 19th and 20th centuries... so, makes sense he might get bored of seeing his brother go crazy.

There's no real point getting to know his team mates because they're one dimensional and their screen time is easily counted in seconds. Get used to that. There are a whole gamut of mutant cameos that are short even by cameo standards. Even characters that are significant to the plot - like Gambit... who actually is essentially there PURELY as a plot device to move Logan from A to B - don't get a great deal of screen time. It's really all about Wolverine... like all the X-men films, really. Anyway, he hooks up with Silverfox and is a happy lumberjack - for... no reason but predictably... walking away from a secret black ops group doesn't work out too well and Sabretooth is murdering former team mates - but who REALLY cares. There's no investment in these characters... so, Sabretooth kills Silverfox and Wolverine goes to Weapon X to get adamantium so he can murder Sabretooth.

Then he goes to fight Sabretooth - fights Sabretooth... Then Weapon XI turns up. Yeah, not a real character from the comics... and he has a half dozen powers - oh and he's supposed to be Deadpool... even though Deadpool just has a healing factor... and the fight was fairly anticlimatic.

Then, naturally - Wolverine's memories get wiped by a magical plot device bullet. Silverfox dies... again - oh and Emma Frost is her sister... and another swathe of meaningless mutants... including Cyclops... for no real reason. They do nothing more than run out of the base after Wolverine frees them. So, Gambit comes back to pick up Wolverine - and Wolverine goes off to forget everything and wander around until the X-men film...

It's the problem all prequels suffer from... you always know where things are going to be come the end... so, we knew that Logan was going to end up having his memory wiped... ah well... That's really the least of the problems. The characters really just seem to orbit Jackman, pushing him in the direction he needs to go. The story is pretty weak and it's hard to give a damn about anyone other than Wolverine and maybe Sabretooth because no one is really around long enough to do more than show their abilities. Wolverine's claws look terrible throughout - it's very obviously they're CGI... Really, just a chronically weak story, pretty average fight scenes and just a slew of not very compelling cameos that amounted to little make this a pretty luke warm film. Fanboys might get hung up on some of the details... but really, they're not worth paying attention to compared to a number of rather more glaring inadequacies.

DC has... a huge monopoly on characters that have become ingrained upon the collective cultural memory of the West. It goes without saying that Batman is probably only really in competition with Superman for the most ubiquitous... although, these days Batman is probably firmly on top in terms of popularity - not least due to the uber popular Chris Nolan Batman films.

Naturally, that was preceded by the Timmverse Batman: The Animated Series and the Justice League cartoon. Which are generally considered by fans and critics to be awesome. Even the somewhat weaker Gotham Knights is still pretty solid.

And then came THE BATMAN. Unashamedly aimed at the 5 year olds and mentally retarded. Mostly the mentally. Whatever the Timmverse was... was so quickly forgotten in this shameful embarrassment of that abortive nonsense. That well... uh.

Anyway, THE BATMAN finished. It was natural for fans to be apprehensive about Batman: The Brave And The Bold... It was pretty much proclaiming to be campy... but as it happens... it's pretty good. It's using some of DC's less known villains - but deliberately so... Blue Beetle is there, the Green Arrow and Batman have a rivalry. Not nearly as campy as one might think.

Batman is still kinda broody not the campy 60s Batman... or the pointless The Batman character... It was easy to see this as a futile venture but it has proven itself... It's rather enjoyable.

Red Dwarf was - once upon an early 90s - a popular sci-fi comedy TV show. Also a book. The TV show was a "cult classic" which translates into normal English as "something a few people liked rabidly". Despite that, the following grew and it became engraved in the collective consciousness of the nation. Then Craig Charles had an unfortunate run in with the law and things stalled for several years, before the generally panned seasons 7 & 8 - which seemed to substitute good writing for a bigger budget and totally changed the status quo by replacing Kochanski (played by a different actress) and then putting the crew on a fully populated Red Dwarf.

Season (or series) 9 starts with the status quo fully returned. Red Dwarf is once again populated by the four characters that became synonymous with the show. Of course, it's not too long before we get a stereotypical Russian science officer hologram appearing for... no reason. She does some exposition on how the sea monster in their water tank is their ticket home. There really isn't anything that funny here... the characters feel flat and beyond some bad taste gross out humour... there isn't a lot going on.

That's pretty much the entire first episode... pretty meh. The next episode sends our characters to Earth... but in the most horribly contrived barely fanfic level of writing. The characters find this is an Earth where Red Dwarf is actually... a TV show. Yes, you've waited for all these years for an episode that is essentially a giant 4th wall breaking fanfic. This involves the crew meeting a lot of people who talk to them about their show and even a reference to the TV CHANNEL the show is being screened on. They really couldn't slap it around your face anymore if they tried. They even get in a car version of Starbug - and they call it, get this - CARBUG! Yes, you'd best be wearing a corset or your sides may split. Anyway, for some reason they decide that they need to find the actor that plays Lister to find out how many episodes they have left. It would almost be a relief for a little slash fic type action to alleviate the dire writing. None of the cast even seem to give a fuck, they're all just phoning it in. Who can blame them?

The third episode starts with them pulling into Coronation Street - for those either too middle class or not living in Britain, that's the setting and name of the most popular soap in the UK, which Craig Charles starred in... so, more 4th wall fun - doing... not very much for a while and then ending up walking into the pub to find the actor Craig Charles... who then gives the exposition required for the story to continue by sending them to meet the show's creator. So, this has actually become self-insertion fanfic.

Grant Naylor explains to them... a whole bunch of rubbish, including the bleedin' obvious - that there have been REPEATED Blade Runner references (for no other reason that... because), right down to Cat leaving little origami figures everywhere - which actually has a reason but a very stupid one. There's a bit where it seems as if Naylor is in control, then he gets shot... then Lister uses the typewriter and essentially becomes God... then it turns out this is actually ALL JUST A DREAM.

No, that is not a joke. It was all a hallucination induced by a despair squid - so, yes. Not only did this read like a bad self-insertion fanfic set in an idiotic 4th wall breaking alternate reality with a pointless Blade Runner homage jammed in, it ALSO turns out to be ONLY A DREAM - and a rehashed concept that was done a hundred times better the first time around.

To summarise - it would have been better if they'd called it a day a long time ago. Series 7 & 8 were pretty creatively bankrupt but compared to Back To Earth, they are positively high art. Just about as bad as it could realistically have been without including George Lucas and Jarjar Binks.

As is obvious to any cinema goer - Marvels march of films continues... they're pretty much booked up until the Avengers film and they've just got a whole lot of stuff going on in terms of live action, animated features, animated series and the like - even if the Iron Man: Armoured Adventures looks like the most horrific piece of trash ever conceived... since The Batman.

Where is DC and its slew of - much better known and more recognisable - superheroes? Naturally, the world gets excited when there's a new Chris Nolan Batman film about to come out... Superman was met with general indifference and the sequel is going to need to give the titular Man of Steel something more than a fucking mountain of kryptonite to fight.

DC has however made a few forays into the animated features - the previous outting was the pretty damned awesome Justice League: New Frontier, which is definitely worth checking out and now, we've got Wonder Woman. While the live action film sits in purgatory, quietly waiting to be made... we have this to tide us over.

Wonder Woman is often pushed in with Batman and Superman to form DC's "big three"... but really, that's more of a publicity stunt than anything. Despite having been around since the Golden Age... she's not really on a par with either of those characters... so, it's nice to see her get a film to make her own...

And this is QUITE a film. The JLU cartoon had more than its fair share of crowning moments of awesome in terms of fights... but just the opening battle sequence of this film easily puts those to shame in terms of animation and awesome. As with most of these features, it's about 70 minutes... so, the story is pretty simple. We get the backstory of the Amazons and Wonder Woman and the long and short of it is, Wonder Woman has to go into the world of men to take back stray jet pilot Steve Trevor and also stop an evil unleashed that threatens to etc. etc.

It really isn't going to win any awards for the complex weave of stories... it's very simple but there's not a lot of time to tell a complicated story and the simple one works. Naturally, we get Wonder Woman starting out to be a bit "MEN ARE EVIL!" but of course, she relents a bit on that one by the end. The romance angle is there - Trevor is a bit of a goof to start with but he's a decent character and does a good job of cutting WW some slack... because a lot of people might have been tempted to call her a bitch.

Something a little surprising about the whole thing - although, the DCAU tends to be rather more relaxed about such things in straight-to-DVD releases - is that there are quite a few deaths... and beheadings. The beheadings are - in fairness - only done in silouette but there are people being stabbed and having their spines broken... nothing that would get close to warranting the term gore... but it's nice to see battle scenes where those without powers can actually die.

So... in summary, a good yarn with some absolutely wonderful action and battle scenes. The final battle especially, I suspect - will be a crowd pleaser... and there's even a nice little tease at the very end... that many fans of WW and probably the DCAU will smile at. For DCAU and WW fans, a must... and for general superhero fans too. If you finished the recent Hulk Vs. and felt it was too action light? Give this a try. Wonder Woman tosses and gets tossed through more buildings than her insurance can realistically cover. All good wholesome fun with a simple but steady and pretty well paced story. Enjoyable to the point where it's worth hoping that there is more to come.

All comments about Watchmen - the film - will invariably be preceded by "based on the greatest graphic novel of all time." And... it's fair to say that that Alan Moore's piece will take quite something to be supplanted for that honour... Much of Moore's success with it is because he weaves a story of incredible complexity and density, using the medium to the fullest extent possibly. Which is why many people were worried about the film. Adaptations are a tricky business at the best of times and Watchmen was very specifically written to be a comic, not merely a story TOLD in a comic... SPOILERS AHEAD!

That said, Watchmen (the film) does a FAIRLY good job. Rorschach sounds rather too much like Christian Bale's Batman... but the wonderful effects of his mask make that a forgiveable offence... and the film uses a lot of the dialogue and iconography from the comic pretty much verbatim. The entire intro monologue is pretty much directly in line with the book.

The issue of course becomes one of time. There are just a lot of elements that had to be dropped for this film to be of an acceptable length. That's a given of the change of medium. They do however manage to cover the backstory of each character rather well... but the ENDING... the ending is where it all falls apart.

Moore spent considerable amounts of time hinting at some plot beyond the mere mask killings and that while Rorschach might rabidly obsess about it - the reader especially has plenty of incite to the fact that there is something more afoot and that it's not going to be pretty... of course, what this turns out to be is the fact that Adrian Veidt - former superhero - has come up with a plan to SAVE the world from nuclear armaggedon. Which involves manufacturing a threat of alien invasion by teleporting in (thanks to Dr. Manhattan tech) a giant alien which explodes (because teleporters work about as reliably as they do in Star Trek) and also, psychically imprinting images of cosmic horror on the survivors... basically, to make humans do what they do best, unite in fear of something different to them! It's also explained that The Comedian stumbles upon the island where all this is going on and that this is what breaks his spirit...

Some fans of the graphic novel got very upset about the squid... as some fanboys will. Really, what it was... was no big deal. It just had to be a threat to unite the world against an external threat by introducing the outside context problem. Hence pulling humanity BACK from the brink of destruction - albeit it at the cost of millions of lives.

Now... the ending in the FILM... They kind of ignore the advanced tech that Dr. Manhattan made possible and have "free energy" as a recent development... which Veidt uses as a means to simulate an attack by Dr. Manhattan - essentially to the same end as the alien attack. Except... this doesn't really make any sense, although - he never actually says "I'm Off To MARS!" in this... it's fairly clear that everyone knows he has fucked off... so, why would he come back just to sucker punch New York? It might seem trivial but it's FURTHER exacerbated by the fact Nite Owl sees Dr. Manhattan waste Rorschach, does a "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"... and then goes to bitch slap Veidt and declares the terrible perversion of humanity this constitutes.

Which might be somewhat acceptable if it wasn't for the fact about 30 seconds earlier, he was saying "Yeah, I'm down with keeping this secret." Part of the CRUX of the film is the moral greyness of the actions of Veidt and the obvious similiarities to the Tale Of The Black Freighter. He is a man GUIDED in his own eyes by right at every turn and yet, in the end - he has become a murderer but feels entirely justified. This pretty much slaps us in the face - almost as much as with Dr. Manhattan's genitals - and says "THIS IS BAD!"

For some people, this will not be a big issue for others it will be. It doesn't really mesh with the overall story. It's kind of hammered in and a number of compromises - beyond those required to compensate for the different mediums - are made in terms of continuity for no other reason than... uh...

The ending aside... For those that pay attention, Zack Snyder (the director) gives you a little hint of his previous film - 300 - by having The Comedian's flat be... 300! Don't worry, if you miss that little tipoff... you'll probably manage to work it out from the repeated and gratuitous use of the slomo/speedup action cuts the made seems to have a raging hardon for - and also the overly long, rather awkward sex scenes. If you don't mind the stylistic slomo of the action scenes, they're fun... although, there are a few more added in but that makes sense - this IS a long film... and the book is not particularly action packed. So, it's an understandable compromise.

Much like the dropping of the Tales of The Black Freighter comic and the newstand owner and not really having the detective involved in The Comedian's murder do much outside the first five minutes. Or reducing Rorschach's running around and beating people up... or his backstory... You could have made Lord of the Rings in its entirety seem short if you'd wanted to FULLY explore the backstory of every character in the same depth as the graphic novel.

It's really... just OK. About as good an adaptation as one could really expect. Nowhere near the same level as the graphic novel... and certainly not the kind of film you want to see if you're expecting a brainless superhero action film... but... just... OK.

So... Easter Special of Doctor Who - PLANET OF THE DEAD!

It's an RTD episode - there's another writer as well but the script reads like the usual RTD-level fanfic, so the other seems irrelevant. The episode starts out with the former Bionic Woman doing a gem heist - hilariously, she wears a mask to conceal her identity... which she removes after all of three seconds, to thereby render its wearing utterly pointless.

Things of course, get off to a start when she boards a bus to escape the fuzz - and THE DOCTOR gets on. As usual, he starts talking like an escaped mental patient to endear himself to our lady thief. The police give chase when they manage to work out she is on the bus but luckily for her a rip in the fabric of space and time appears in the tunnel and the next thing you know it, our double decker bus is under alien skies... in the middle of a desert. It's actually a pretty passable intro. Not too long to get into the action - not quite the Christmas Special and it's nigh instant segue but fairly acceptable.

Naturally, a double decker bus disappearing in the middle of an enclosed tunnel warrants the attention of UNIT - it was them or Torchwood... and who would you want? As something of a deviation from the norm, back on the bus the Bionic Aristocrat Thief Lady appoints herself leader. The Doctor talks about the wormhole - prompting the bus driver to run into it and burn up. Guess you should have mentioned that bit before saying "oh, there's the way home!" So, unlike your Stargate type of wormhole, this one apparently disintegrates people who aren't surrounded by metal. Unfortunately, the bus is stuck in the sand.

We have the mandatory introduction of the other people on the bus... but really, beyond the Lady Thief, the characterisation is so shallow and the role played by the characters themselves so tangential, that they might as well just be faceless drones. Also, there's a HORRIBLY embarrassing stereotypical black woman WITH MYSTIC POWAHS! She magically works out that turning up on an alien world might be BAD. It's really quite cringe worthy - clearly RTD was trying to make up for Martha Jones.

Amusingly, the Mary Sue factor of the Doctor - which RTD is always keen to ramp up... and we learn that the sonic screw driver can apparently instantly make a phone call Earth (although - why they didn't just use the same rationale as they do in Stargate isn't really obvious) from the other side of the universe and polarise glasses - is somewhat paralleled by Lady Thief and her magic back of holding. One could be forgiven for thinking that at any moment she might pull a full length ladder out of it.

Anyway, as this is really all about the Doctor and Lady Thief, they decide to tell the auxiliary characters to stay near the bus and to not do anything interesting while they're gone - that is, after they have a wonderfully awful moment where UNIT staff gush over the Doctor (he can tell when you're saluting on the phone!). It's sickeningly saccharine and grade A Mary Sue material - because making the Doctor the LAST Timelord didn't up that enough, y'know?

So, the aliens show up! But they're nice aliens! That's actually a nice touch. As they are ugly fly headed aliens. Anyway DA DOCTOR finds out a bunch of metal coated flying stingrays - STINGRAY DADADADA! - have descended upon this planet and reduced everything to sand. There's a pointless scene where MORE - actually justified stuff - comes out the magic bag. Then a Mission Impossible moment. Then sadly, the aliens go and die. Pointlessly. This is of course after we discern the REASON this planet has been reduced to sand. Flying metal stingrays. OF DEATH. Yup, they generate a wormhole by... flying around a planet. Many times... didn't Superman do that? Oh wait, that was to do something stupid... like turn back time... this is a LOT more reasonable. Actually, in RTD land - this makes PERFEC sense. If you think that's a mispelling - no, it's irony.

The Doctor goes and does a big OH! I AM SAVING YOU - thing. He makes the bus... a HOVER BUS. There is pointless bit where a UNIT gusher doesn't want to condemn the Doctor to being trapped. Naturally, this is all false tension... because we KNOW the Doctor will get home. Or he could use the sonic screwdriver to make sand into a time badger. Y'know to burrow into the past... or... something?

The gushy scientist played by a more irritating than usual - and he's non-tolerable at the best of times - Lee Evans (for some reason a Welsh person? Did they secretly want Torchwood here? The Welsh really are rubbish... but RTD seems to have some manner of paraphilia for them) decides to grow a pair when he's instructed to close the wormhole to prevent the STINGRAYS, STINGRAYS (dadadada!) coming through the wormhole. This makes sense as apparently the wormhole is 10 miles wide... but then... it isn't about 30 seconds later when the bus flies through, as do a few STINGRAY - all in the exact same place.

Predictably, the Doctor et al (really, only one person died?) make it through. The wormhole is closed, aliens are defeated. Further - cringeworthy - gushing over the Doctor happens. He then tells the Lady Thief how he thinks she needs to be judged and how she can't be a companion - because, stealing his TARDIS and her saving people and him being moral when it fucking suits him - so she needs to get arrested. She gets put in the back of a car... but then the Doctor uses his sonic deus ex to let her out.

And the horrible evil law enforcer inevetually bangs on the bus as she flies away.

Eh... it has some pretty effects and it doesn't have the horribly clunking Christmas Special plot... but it's still an RTD episode and since Who started again there have been decent episodes and RTD episodes. No WONDER RTD doesn't want to listen to the fans. If they're older than 10 they know he sucks... unless they're retards. Which a lot of them are.

In summary, RTD is rubbish - like him at your peril.

Into The Wild Green Yonder is – apparently – the last Futurama… and let’s not mince words, it’s kind of dull.

Bender’s Big Score was pretty good but really, none of the Futurama films have surpassed what should have been the opening gambit in a masterful strategy of increasing awesomeness. Oh, this isn’t as aimless as the Beast With A Billion Backs or as much of a wasted concept as Bender’s game… but it’s still relatively high on the meh scale for what is supposedly a swan song.

Of course, Matt Groening presumably has such astronomical amounts of cash from the Simpsons he stopped caring over a decade ago. So presumably, after Futurama tanked – it was pride that made him go back to it… or something. He clearly wasn’t that interested in the show though because there is little pride in this final outing.

It has the kind of unashamed left wing messages you’d expected of him but that’s it.. not really worth watching. It’s ninety minutes of not very funny stuff. Futurama has always suffered from the issue of action/drama vs. comedy. Here there is such a lack of comedy it’s pointless.

Don’t bother, unless you desperately seek some minor sense of resolution.

So, as if Demons wasn’t enough for you to contend with – the BBC has also managed to turn the pilot of “Being Human” into a full blown series. It’s the simple tale of three supernatural beings – a new werewolf, an old vampire and a ghost – living in a house together.

One of the obvious irritations of the show is something that seems to be increasingly popular – Vampires waltzing around in daylight. At least they aren’t sparkling but it’s just rather tedious to have their weaknesses eroded… At least in Blade, the guy had some SPF50 on to stand in the sun. Here, they don’t seem bothered at all… and they suffer from “Buffy syndrome”. Which is to say, that they bite some and have maybe a mouthful of blood… then the person dies. Granted biting into the jugular is going to lead to you dying pretty quickly by bleeding out but as with Buffy, it’s rather ridiculous that it seems to be INSTADEATH!

Anyway, the basic dynamic is – the girl ghost hangs around the house, while the guys go to hospital. For some reason, our old vampire chap is “off the wagon” and so doesn’t need to get his teaspoon of blood via murder. It’s not really explained how he manages to survive/be immortal WITHOUT blood. He just does.

The werewolf guy has the angst shtick. Which is a bit of a change from the broody vampire – not that he doesn’t have issues but it’s fair to say, the werewolf issue trumps that. How is it trumped? Because he gets to moan about how once a month he become a ravening beast. Yeah, they seem to like the monster root… because, the people are shown to be the exceptions to the rule. Anyway, he likes to be a whiney little bitch about his problem a lot.

And finally ghost girl… yeah, it’s fair to say that most of these characters are pretty much summed up by their monster characteristic because even after a few episodes they’re pretty flat. She’s got the beyond cliché UNFINISHED BUSINESS… and only other supernatural beings can see her. She pines for her fiancé who is now hooked up with someone else.

Somewhere in the background, there’s an evil vampire plot but don’t get too excited. Things are moving along slowly... so, it's likely the run will end before anything much happens. About all you can say for it is... it's a relatively novel concept as far as things go. Shame about the execution.