One thing the Bourne franchise could do with is an epilepsy warning. The number of scenes where things occur in the blink of an eye or where the camera angle changes dozens of times in the blink of an eye are too numerous to count.

This is however, no deviation from the previous two films. As with the second film, this doesn't really deviate from the original formula... actually, if anything this more similar to the second film as the eponymous protagonist actually has a clue what is going on.

The notable thing about Bourne films is that people seem to think that they're all rather complex in their plots. Nothing could be further from the truth. There's no shocking revelations for anyone but the dullest film goer - he was part of a covert project to make a bunch of ass kicking assassins, it's merely a premise not part of the plot... the plot of these films is... MATT DAMON! Doing a lot of running around, shooting and sneaky spy stuff. All other points are of only minor importance - they aren't movies about characters or complex plots, they're about slick set pieces and big explosions.

The frenetic pace is present and we move from one city to the next to the next, sometimes with such rapidity it can be easy to miss the change. Not that it really seems to matter. It's best to describe this as a man who thinks he is a thinking man man's action film. It would like you to believe that it's clever and has depth but really, it's shallow and allows for as much facial expression from Damon as you'd get out of a block of wood. Despite the pretence - it's really a fairly unapologetic summer actioner.

As far as sci-fi goes, few franchise approach the notoriety and sheer age of Flash Gordon.

From hilarious racist comic strip to campy black and white drama to children's cartoon to campy cult movie to children's cartoon and now to sci-fi original drama.

The most obvious deviation from the established premise is that there are zero rocket ships. Or at least so far. No, instead the show has opted for a far easier plot device... WORMHOLES! Well, almost. They're called "rifts"... presumably because after Farscape and SG-1, they don't want to look like the only idea they have are wormholes.

Anyway, it starts out with Flash winning a marathon (if you've watched Smallville, you could be forgiven for thinking flash had fallen through one of these rifts from the eponymous town) but of course, it's not long before aliens are invading all the hot spots - highways, bowling alleys and minimarts. Flash doesn't seem too smart though - he punches a metal robot, stops his car to get out and run across an open field and jumps through a rift in the small hope that he'll find his father.

Which naturally gets him and ex-girlfriend Dale - who despite her engagement still have some chemistry - into trouble when they arrive in Mongo and meet Ming. Here we find out why they're sending robots to Earth and so on before they manage to escape and ponder on what an "Imex" is.

Overall, it's not so bad. The acting is decent enough and the effects - while not plentiful - are solid. The main let down is that this really doesn't have much to do with Flash Gordon. It really seems as if the format of the show means that we'll have aliens of the week and Flash saving the world but home for his tea. Not to mention that the "rifts" make this feel as if it's trying to be teen SG-1... or Smallville meets SG-1. It really feels lacking in the kind of epic stuff you had in the movie... and while it's obvious that you can't really compare the two, this doesn't really have any sense of grandeur. Which is rather a shame.

It's clear that there is going to be some kind of story arc (possibly) with Flash's father but beyond that, there isn't really anything to indicate that this will be an episodic drama where we have some enemy come through every week or have Flash go to Mongo every week. Either way, it's a rather lacklustre start that might indicate Sci-Fi feel the name alone will give it time... but hell, that worked for Star Trek for a decade.

Babylon 5 has long been a fan favourite and many had hoped for it to be redeemed.

Indeed, Lost Tales offers such a chance. Of course, surely the point is somewhat missed... B5 was a great show because of characters, story arcs and kiss ass space battles. This seemed to lack... at least two of those. Not only that but it wasn't really a movie but more, two separate episodes.

The first was almost entirely out of character for B5... while religion has played a part of the show in the past, it's never been a focus... here, we suffer some tedious diatribes at the hands of lacklustre Locklear about it in a setting that owes more to The Exorcist than it does to Babylon 5. Making Locklear the main character was a critical misjudgement... she was a one season wonder who had perhaps, two points of interest (neither of which were ineresting) and still she failed... fortunately, she wasn't forced on us like other late comer characters in other show have been.

The second episode, is SHERIDAN... and Galen. It flows a lot more naturally... Galen is a dick, Sheridan is... well, Sheridan. It was a lot more compelling than the first story - which was a lot more relevant. Unlike Locklear's debacle, this played into the general spirit of B5 and, of course... didn't have her horrible acting. Sheridan was solid throughout and the character was... as always, not just a thin excuse for Ivonava (yeah... Locklear wasn't close to being close to being half an Ivonava). While the dilemma this provided was interesting... it really wasn't exciting.

If JMS was doing his best to gain new fans? A lot of money? Well, JMS - you've smoked one too many crack pipes... even HARDCORE fans won't find this that pleasing. It's... at best mediocre. The first tale poor and the second ok... If it's building to something... perhaps it could be good but there's nothing in here to recommend it. It's just so bland... sure, there are some nice touches - quantum space? - like the improved CGI and much, much more detailed model of B5 but really... Pointless.

Terminator - along with Alien(s) and Predator - is one of the most iconic franchise to come out of the 1980s... The first and second film, likely to be timeless classics of the action and sci-fi genre. Many feel that the third film strayed somewhat on this front and it seems hard to argue on that front.

Perhaps Terminator 3's greatest error was that its reach exceeded its grasp. The effects simply weren't good enough for the ambitious stunts. Which, coupled with a so-so story made it weaker than the other films by a long shot. Even Arnie camping it up couldn't put it in the same league as the first two. Which is unfortunate as the franchise really had the potential to deliver.

Those who have their misgivings about the upcoming "Sarah Connor Chronicles" - a TV series that follows the eponymous heroine between the end of T2 and beginning of T3 may then take heart that it requires only a few minutes for it to piss all over the established events of T3. The effects of time travel... perhaps.

The inherent fear of a series set between the two films is obvious - that it would be sans Skynet... and if you don't have a time travelling killer robot from the future trying to ventilate the saviour of humanity, then why even bother? Hence, it should be reassuring to all fans of the franchise that the show does indeed include said time travelling robots and the associated gun heavy mayhem.

Projects like this are inherently difficult - especially when the original actors have been replaced by more budget friendly replacements... the budget is fractional compared to the films and yet, there is an expectation of quality and action. Terminator films may have their moments of reflection upon fate and destiny, the nature of the battle between man and machine... about how one man can change the future but it was always, at its heart, an action film... so, it would only be fair to expect this of the show.

And it does deliver. Not exactly the epic car chases, non-stop climactic action... but still enjoyable and for a film where expectations were so incredibly low - that is impressive.

The Ultimate Universe... It can be looked upon in one of two ways.

The first - as an attempt to make high quality comics that are easily accessible to new comers to comics, not requiring a vast amount of reading of back issues to understands characters, events and so on.

The second - a cheap way of pumping more money out of the same characters, stories - with the added bonus that the comics can now be hipper and edgier!

As with most things, the truth doubtless lies somewhere in between... but the fact remains that as a concept, it has been popular... but it seems that in many ways it has already betrayed the ideals of its inception.

The Ultimate Universe (UU) started out as a "back to basics" style. Character origins were to come from more realistic sources than radiation, magic rings or such. They would come from genetic engineering and other more probable causes. No aliens or other worldly beings... at least, this was the idea behind Ultimate Spiderman and for the most part, it worked.

Naturally though, all good things must come to an end and the success of Ultimate Spiderman spawned many more titles... including but not limited to: The Ultimates, Ultimate X-Men and Ultimate Fantastic Four - to name a few. All of which did their part to erode the (relative) realism of the UU. This isn't to say the UU doesn't have enjoyable stories... it does but for a while, it was refreshing to have heroes who weren't slipping off to other dimensions or battling foes from other worlds

It's worth asking if - with the massive success of Heroes - the powers that be at Marvel are kicking themselves. While the Ultimate Universe - at its beginnings - was still very much a classic comic book universe, the parallels are obvious. It was far less contrived than the mainstream DC or Marvel universes... that's not to say that this approach hasn't been attempted before... it has... it's simply never met with such success as Heroes.

She-Hulk fans were always deeply divided over Dan Slott as the writer on the third incarnation of She-Hulk's solo title... some found his joking, verging on fourth wall violating, slapstick anathema... otherwise couldn't get enough of his humour driven stories and wackiness but love him or hate him, he's now moving on to pastures new. Clearly some people approve of the work that Mr. Slott has been doing, as he's getting to play with Your Friendly Neighbourhood Spiderman... which is probably the comic book equivalent of getting promoted from pencil pusher to management.

Putting aside the oft criticised artwork... just how did Slott's run fair? In terms of sales? Quite well, consider She-Hulk is a second stringer and considered by many fanboys to be a derivative character - probably not helped by the fact she was expressly created for the purposes of securing a copyright on a female Hulk type character... although, it's hard to judge objectively as (especially in recent months) there have been a great number of tie-ins and guest stars. Not least, Civil War and the build up to World War Hulk... which inevitably will have had a beneficial effect on sales.

The comedy certainly wasn't to all fans taste and in many ways, that's understandable. It was often over the top, almost showing off... and in may ways, didn't help the image of She-Hulk that Byrne created... a comedic character, not to be taken too seriously. Dan didn't make that mistake though, in between the kooky there were many moments where Jennifer Walters is forced to evaluate her life as She-Hulk and introspection on duality.

In fact, Dan was rather apt at plumbing this source of angst and creates the circumstances that force Jen to try and understand and come to terms with her powers in a way she hasn't ever had to before. Not least, she had to deal with some of the fallout of the events of "Search For She-Hulk" and "Avengers Disassembled" - most poignantly in "Bone". Which clearly demonstrates that Dan has more strings to his bow than just humour.

For all the flaws that might be perceived in Dan's work, it's undeniable that he has firmly established She-Hulk as more than just a female Hulk. Jennifer's duality is very much the focus of the comic and how she deals with - and sometimes denies - it. The fact Jennifer is forced to be human to work at the law firm does make for more interesting results and her transformation anxiety is an interesting aspect.

That isn't to say that the tile under Slott didn't have action... it did. Just not a great deal of it. This was further hampered by the subpar artists who really didn't do justice to what action there was there. With the possible exception of Paul Pelletier, no one ever really managed to nail the infrequent action scenes... and of course, most of them managed to make She-Hulk look pudgy... hardly fitting for one of Marvel's strongest heroes - male or female.

Other complicating factors were that sometimes, Dan got a trifle bogged down in the minutiae of the comic books in comic books. It was a pre-established fact that events occuring in the Marvel universe are in fact put into comic books but at times, it seems that Slott almost goes out of his way to make sure that this comes into play in plots - even going so far as to have a little cast of comic book geeks who tend to the comic books of Jen's law firm (they're legally admissible as evidence, you know).

So, a somewhat mixed bag... opinions on it will be greatly shaped by what you think She-Hulk should be... Dan does somewhat walk the line at times but it would be wrong to say that he ever really strayed too far from the comedy... now that his run is almost up... what can we expect?

PAD has taken over as the main writer and he has left the future of the title suitably vague but it seems that the out and out comedy approach will be dropped in favour of something more serious and that the courtroom drama will be dropped in favour of something more action orientated.

In any event, Dan Slott certainly raised the profile of She-Hulk and probably increased her fan base. He has also taken on the honour of penning more She-Hulk comics than anyone else (taking the title from Byrne). Whatever you think of the title under Slott's auspices, as a character She-Hulk is probably in a much better place now than she was when he took her on and that should elicit some respect, from even the most grudging of fans.

It's perhaps a tribute to Red Dwarf that most British sci-fi of a certain description will immediately warrant comparison... even if the premise of Red Dwarf hasn't really been truly imitated.

The similarities between Red Dwarf and the new comer "Hyperdrive" are thin on the ground. They're both British... they're both sci-fi and they both have a ship as the main background for events to unfold. There the similarities end.

The most glaring one? Hyperspace simply isn't funny. The basic situation being a spaceship, flown by a crew of inepts, advertising Britain to an indifferent universe is - at best - thin. This isn't even slightly assisted by the blandness of episodes. Perhaps the only original idea they have is making the main female character sinfully ugly but then, that's hardly a trade worth emulating because she isn't particularly funny.

That isn't to say that there aren't good actors... Kevin Eldon - from innumerable British comedy shows - and Nick Frost - Sean Of The Dead and Hot Fuzz - have proven themselves many times over... but there simply isn't the material for them to work with. Eldon - as the totally barmy and unhinged security officer - is the only one who really gets a chance to shine. Frost feels like he's struggling to wring as much out of the lines as is possible... but then, there's only so much you can do with a bad script.

Despite entering its second season, the show still feels like many of the BBC's subpar comedy. As if it were treated like an essay by a recalcitrant student, left until the last possible minute and then hurriedly rushed with the minimum of thought and effort. It's clear an attempt was made to create a dysfunctional crew - the mentally impaired cyborg, the angst ridden (and ugly) first officer, the mediocre wannabe captain, the demented security officer and the rest, who are just there to provide bodies.

The best it ever manages to elicit is perhaps a smile or a vaguely amused exhalation but really, there's no punch. It's nigh on impossible to highlight any single failing because the show fails on so many levels. The highest accolade that it can be awarded is that it's about thirty minutes of fairly inoffensive sci-fi related watching. Occasionally, it might warrant a smile or a giggle but it falls into a banal space between different comedic styles.

In many ways, Die Hard was a defining action movie of the 1980s... While it's unlikely that Die Hard 4.0 - aka Live Free Or Die Hard - will enjoy the elevated status of the first but it certainly surpassed the predecessors.

Unlike many other films, Die Hard 4.0 doesn't attempt to be clever, or have a message or anything like that. No stupid fast cutting likely to induce fits or social commentaries or edgy for the sake of edgy.

Willis is perfect as reluctant hero, John McClane - the NYC cop with the knack for being the wrong man, in the wrong place, at the wrong time - and he's well matched with Justin Long as the stereotypical errant hacker. There is none of the forced comedy and buddy-buddy that you often get in this genre. Everything seems to flow naturally and even the "lessons" learned don't feel entirely hackneyed.

The action is just what you'd expect from a Die Hard film, over the top but not so much so that you spend the entire time marvelling at how improbable it is. The film is really too much of a romp for you to spend time worrying about such details and as with the others, doesn't spend too much setting the scene. We're very quickly thrust into the midst of action, with houses exploding and guns being fired.

This Die Hard is slightly different from its predecessors in that its somewhat more grand in scale. McClane isn't just saving his wife from terrorists or stopping a bunch of mercenaries... no, this time he's saving the world. The practical effect of this is that Die Hard 4 offers far more diverse settings than any of its predecessors - although, that has been a trend over the course of the franchise but it works well, offering some truly visceral set pieces, courtesy of the resourceful McClane.

All in all, it's a very smoothly crafted action film that works very well and has the kind of heart and special effects that other recent films WISH they could have. It's at its heart, still an old school action film but it's not afraid to try new things... It might not quite beat the original but it's still an unapologetic action thriller.

So... the Transformers movie...

With Michael Bay films, you don't generally have expectations... so much as a mounting sense of dread but then, Hollywood never let a hack director with several critical and financial washouts go without a job - or Paul W.S. Anderson would have starved to death a decade ago - so why not give him something that'll be a hit anyway, eh?

Anyone familiar with the Transformers franchise - in any of its various incarnations - should have been fearful the day they heard Bay was directing... and quite why his name was so heavily promoted is something of a mystery... perhaps it's so people couldn't complain at a later point that they had not been fully apprised of the peril they faced.

As it goes, you'd still think that the basic premise of the franchise is fairly hard to get wrong. You've got a well established cast of characters, all you need to do is put them on Earth and have them slogging it out, good vs. evil... right?

Wrong! At least for Michael Bay, it seems. No... what's more important is the emphasis on teens. Horny, horny teens. Hawny, hawny, hawny, so hawny. Not really, it's the usual - geek meets hottie. Hottie doesn't know geek exists, geek buys car that is actually a giant transforming robot from another planet, geek gets hottie and so on. Let's not forget the soldier who manages to guarantee he survives until the end of the film by talking to his wife and new born. Time was that talk like that would get a man killed.

Anyway, aside from the gritty soldier trying to go see his offspring and the geek doing his best to be Jim from American Pie - there are actually some giant transforming robots in this film... amazingly. Why? Basically, a cubular plot device - the all spark - is what the Autobots and Decpticons were fighting over and it came to Earth a while ago. Megatron came looking for it but crashed in the Artic and with no anti-freeze, was soon incapacitated. Hero geek's great grandfather found Megatron, literally chilling in a glacier and for reasons of plot, his glasses had the position of the allspark transposed onto them.

If that sounds stupid written down, you can only begin to imagine how idiotic it seems when it's put on the screen. Plus a whole subplot about the Decpticons hacking the Internet and having to get the world's most leet hacker to decode their signal... which turns to be nigh on irrelevant.

Really, it's just a horrible mishmash of mediocre teaser action and some laughable excuse for a plot... it's almost like the filler you get in Godzilla films before guys in suits duke it out in Tokyo but a lot more incoherent and cliched. Plenty of forced comedy - which seems to be further liken the Geek to Jim from American Pie - which is more likely to elicit a laugh at its idiocy... or possibly some teeth grinding frustration.

So, eventually after close to two hours of essentially action free tedium, laughable - in the wrong way - attempts at humour, the teen angst/romance and the mandatory secret government agency we get to the money shot... robot on robot action in a city. Quite why the soldiers thought taking the allspark into a populated area was a good idea is never explained but then, this film never pretends to make sense.

The action itself isn't that bad but as you'd expect from a hack director like Bay, there are shaky cameras and fast cuts that should mean this film has a warning for people with photosensitive epilepsy. Many times, there is action which really should be a single continuous shot that either cuts to a different angle or simply goes to see how fast the geek can run. This might be to make sure the effects look more convincing... they are good but there are several moments when you get pulled out the action by the fact that Optimus Prime or Megatron looks like a big blob of CGI.

On the Transformers themselves - the Autobots are more "true" to their original designs but suffice it to say that they've all been horribly reimagined. While it might be into forms that are more practical for very complicated/expensive transformations, they look like a mess... Not nearly as much as the Decpticons though... Most of whom are pretty rubbish looking in their robot state... more an amalgamation of office stationary than deadly killing machines.

All in all, the only things going for this film are the reasonably hot girl and the last 15 minutes - complete with mandatory sequel opening and cheesy use of "more than meets the eye" - which doesn't come even close to stopping this from being a real transforming trainwreck of a movie. Oh, sure fanboys and girls won't leave their seats dry but for anyone with less than fanatical love of the franchise, this will probably be a somewhat subpar action movie/toy commercial.

Really not worth wasting money on - Spielberg and Bay did what they do best. Sucked. A lot.

So, the third season (or series, if you prefer) of the "new" Doctor Who has finished, amid persisting rumours that effectively the entire creative team is to quit, along with Tennent himself... of course, that's the beauty of the format.

Everyone - even the Doctor - is replaceable, or at least... he's replaceable in the sense that the actor that portrays him can be replaced. Which is the important thing. One thing that can't be denied is that RTD has left his mark on this incarnation of Who... which I suppose you could take as a blessing or a curse, depending on how you feel about the show as it is.

Tennent has settled into the role far better than Ecceleston ever did and his new companion is infinitely less irritating. Not only that but we managed to escape Earth - especially circa 21st century - more than we had before, which can only be a good thing. It's really rather embarrassing that a being capable of travelling to any point in space and time tends to get stuck in present day London.

The season arc - although really, I think it's an exaggeration to call it an arc when it's maybe one little hint at the finale every couple of episodes - was somewhat spoiled by the fact it was an all but inevitable occurrence. Not to mention that said finale was written by RTD and hence was rather over the top. A change of creative staff would be interesting, it's unlikely that the mostly one episode stories will alter but maybe we can see some more innovation. At least Billie Piper has gone.

Many films in recent years have had trailers that misled the viewer as to the quality of the film. Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer has set a new precedent in this regard. The trailer in fact, comprises the bulk of the pitiful action in the film.

The concept of Galactus vs. The Fantastic Four has never really been that good. Basically it involves very little action. Instead we have a lot of meaningless and shallow drama. Reed and Jessica Alba are getting married!

Which is all threatened when the Silver Surfer flies around causing giant sinkholes for no reason... oh yeah, remember how Doctor Doom died? He got better. This shows the fundamental lack of imagination that runs through this film... and instead of lots of action... we get a lot of Mr. Fantastic and some general doing the alpha male thing.

In all honesty, there wasn't any reason why this film had to include the Fantastic Four... it could have been any group of sciency people. The powers were mostly an after thought, it seemed. Beyond this staggering mediocrity though,there is a greater insult. Galactus - one of Marvel's most powerful beings - IS NOTHING BUT A CLOUD OF DEADLY SPACE GAS!

Thus making this the stupidest film ever.

It's somewhat ironic that science-fiction is often, sometimes very quickly, surpassed by science fact. Now, that isn't to say that you've missed the advent of artificial gravity or faster than light travel... no, it's often the case that everyday technology can surpass what is demonstrated in TV shows.

It wasn't until the 10th Star Trek film - Nemesis - that we actually saw the use of wireless. Before everything had to be done by a touch screen... and while some Trek fans might think that LCARS - the name of the Federation's interface system - represents the pinnacle of advancement... it seems rather strange that people should even have to be sitting down and hitting buttons at all.

There are instances - mostly notably the Borg - who have massive interface but somewhat laughably, this most technologically upgraded of races seems to suffer one flaw. In Voyager a drone has to get out of its alcove, go to a panel and hit some buttons to see what's going on... surely the whole POINT of having a body full of cybernetic implants is that you're tied into everything.

More to the point, some are predicting that some manner of interface between the brain and computers could be possible within two to three decades. Even at a primitive level this would surely vastly surface even the most sophisticated tactile interface. Hence, the general total lack of neural interfaces - you could probably could them on one hand - in all televisual sci-fi, is somewhat jarring.

There's also a disturbing lack of integration. It took us some years to get a phaser with a light on it (in Doom 3 you could travel to Mars but not get a gun with a light on) and people are forever running from one console to another, tossing around different data pads. Right now, you could go out and buy an integrated mobile, camera, video, PDA etc. etc. 300 years in the future and communication on away missions is limited to an audio channel? Hell, it was a big deal to get Geordi's VISOR linked up to the view screen one time.

Not only this but despite the fact it's actually a piece of cake to do face to face chats, people are CONSTANTLY running all over the ship because five words can't be exchanged in anything BUT person. The ship is under attack but oh, there's plenty of time for us to all run down to engineering and hear three sentences that could have been said over comms. If you ran an actual ship like that, you'd probably be dead before you got there. Although, that could be dismissed as dramatic license.

Still, it doesn't change the fact that while warp drives get faster, shields get stronger and weapons more powerful that the kind of useful and integrated technology we take for granted in society today can be utterly alien in the future.

Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 has made what should be dubbed "The Matrix Mistake".

What is The Matrix mistake? Well, The Matrix was a good film that was a big hit and - magically - became a trilogy when this occurred... a trilogy that consisted of part 1 and part 2a and b... not much of a trilogy.

Pirates seems to make an almost identical mistake... although if there was any coherent vision of how the 2nd and 3rd film should fit together, or indeed any coherent vision for the third film at all, it wasn't anywhere to be seen. There is simply a string of happenings that feel as if they were cobbled together at the last moment, with little rhyme or reason.

Concepts and ideas that are entirely new are treated as if they've been around since the start of the franchise - when it felt as if they'd just been tossed in to move the interminable plot along. The writers surely thought they were being clever but they utterly missed what made the original so charming, an interweaving multi-threaded plot... Were the original film to have a plot akin to a tapestry then PotC 3 would have one more like a tangled ball of string that had been toyed with by a dozen cats.

The action is there but one has to question the motivations of the characters and of course... the fact that not one but two characters are brought back from the dead just makes the notion of suspense ludicrous... after all if they can resurrect people once, why not twice? Just another example of how no one really thought this through.

All in all, it's a jumbled mess of a movie that will doubtless make a lot of money but will probably never enjoy the fond memories of the first. Certainly, the action is in there but really... that's about it. The humour is forced, the performances so-so... forget the romance angle and of course, get ready for the backstory to get periodically yanked from beneath your feet as another new idea is talked about as if it was always there.

How to be a "villain" race...

1. Be ugly looking... the lack of a human face really helps. Also being inorganic means that you can get blasted day in and day out and no one need worry... just look at the original Cylons, or the droids in Star Wars. Of course, failing that you can just wear something to make you a faceless enemy (like stormtroopers) or just be REAAAAL ugly.

2. Make sure to start out really powerful and mysterious but that if you get popular, all that mystery can eventually be explained away in generic, banal, unimaginative ways and that despite the fact when you first turned up you were practically unbeatable that as time passes, giving you a thrashing becomes easier than changing the channel.

3. Under that evil, kill all humans and destroy the universe mentality - make sure you've got a caring, sharing side... because even evil robots and psychotic mutants sometimes need to break down and have a good cry.

4. If you've decided to create a device to destroy or enslave the world/galaxy/universe - make sure to put in a handy flaw that will allow a small force of good guys to destroy it.

5. Make sure you're good at exposition.

6. If you start out all shiny and special effecty, make sure that at some point - for no real reason - you take on human form... that's what your enemy least expects.

7. In the unlikely event of capturing the good guys - never, ever kill them... despite the fact that this will instantly assure your victory. Instead, keep them locked up or just tell them your plans and then act all surprised when they escape or have just wandered off while you drone on.

8. Have a clearly defined hierarchy... At the top you've got the mincing, expositioning leader... he'll generally have a sinister henchman or two and of course, there will be an unlimited supply of faceless drones/stormtroopers/shoeboxes to throw at the good guys...

9. Be terrible at poker... often the good guys will be at your mercy but then! They'll come up with an outrageous bluff - if you're going to be an evil race, you've simply got to accept this, despite the fact it's probably not even possible.

10. Always underestimate the enemy - despite the fact you've lost to them dozens of times, you should never really take the good guys as a threat... so, make sure you toy with them while you congratulate yourself on your imminent victory.

11. Never follow through - always be satisfied that if it seems like a good guy is dead, that he is... even though this has happened repeatedly and he never is. Also, never try the same plan twice. Just because it would have worked last time and would be pretty easy to just do again and do right, it's best to just abandon that plan and move onto the next.

12. Never have a plan B - in the event of your superweapon, overly complex plan or similar failing... never have a contingency, that's the preserve of the good guys... just shake your fist and get out of there... or die.

Some sci-fi comes and goes before it barely has a chance to begin... less than two years ago, or thereabouts there were three sci-fi shows launched on mainstream networks...

Threshold - A team implement an elaborate contingency plan to prevent the bioforming of our planet by an alien race sufficiently advanced to travel interstellar distances, master dimensions out with the regular three and to be able to "hack" our DNA with sound... yet too damned stupid to target their big shiny thing at a major population centre...

Invasion - Invasion of the body snatchers... in Florida but with all the speed and urgency of a glacier...

And Surface - Strange goings on below the seas as a new species is discovered and bad things start to happen.

Invasion was the only one of these to actually get a full season. Surface got left on a pretty major cliffhanger and Threshold didn't even manage to air all of its half season. Threshold is perhaps understandable... it was a generic production from the addled brain of beloathed Trek producer Brannon Braga. About the only thing it had going for it was Brent Spiner and even he didn't see terribly interested in what was going on. You could pretty much have made this any kind of secret cover up show and it wouldn't have made a difference and of course, there was never really any sense of progress and naturally all the clichés were trotted out. Overbearing military, people escaping and so on and so forth. Not that the idea was without merit... it was simply badly implemented in an entirely banal way... so, no surprise it crashed and burned.

Invasion was more of a slow burner. Gradual infiltration of the town... and even the people who got body snatched didn't seem to sure they weren't human any more. Still, it had a building tension in it... clearly enough to keep some people hanging around, certainly more than the other two. Really though, it focused a lot more on the personal drama than the OMG ALIENS, aspect of the story

Surface was the most interesting - kind of a proto-Heroes, actually - and presented several disparate threads that came together. A mystery that began to unfold, some good action... but nothing unrealistic or at least... not jarringly so. The characters were all understandable and true. It would be fair to say that they were quite realistic and not quite from the regular cookie cutter of sci-fi characters... we didn't have any main characters from the military or ex-military running around like Rambo... I guess we DID have the hot scientist but c'est la vie... if a scientist is female it's pretty much IMPOSSIBLE for her not to be hot. Still, it presented the most intriguing multi-threaded story of the three... and yet cut down in its prime.

Naturally, had any of these had "Star Trek" in their titles, they'd have been allowed 3-4 years of rubbish episodes before fans started to get weary of them... Threshold... deserved the axe. Invasion had the potential to be interesting even if it wasn't exactly rip roaring fun... Surface is possibly the greatest loss, it had threaded together a multi-faceted stories and we had just had the mother of all cliffhangers...

Sequels are - without question - a tricky business. The easiest way to fail is to simply rehash or try and out do the original... but then it's equally difficult to succeed by making something different because you risk losing the elements of the original that made it so good. So, the fact that "28 Weeks Later" managed to - despite some pretty horrible trailers - pull it off is impressive.

Perhaps the best analogy would be to say that "28 days later" is to "Alien" what "28 Weeks Later" is to "Aliens". That is to say, "28 Days Later" relies more upon suspense and atmosphere, whereas its sequel is more about a fairly non-stop action rampage. Although, that said the opening sequence is clearly an homage to Danny Boyle and the original - in both directing style and tone.

It would have been easy for this to simply be a simple - RAGE GETS LOOSE AGAIN! There was an element of that... well, it would be a pretty pointless exercise in film making if they didn't have people running around murdering and puking and such. The way in which infection recurs is... something of a stretch but then, there are plenty of stupid people in the world. Still, you'd think that their containment procedure would be somewhat more refined given the highly communicable nature of the disease.

You won't be surprised to hear that this plays into the hands of the virus and soon the American military is making friendly fire seem like the euphemism it is. It managed to be good though - it was its own film - never apologised... For the best... not as good as the original but still good.

Star Trek is often seen as being about an inherently optimistic future... but no one seems to have noticed that The Federation seems to be some manner of inherently undemocratic organisation.

It seems that the Federation Council is some monolithic and detached government run by people in ivory towers. Willing to agree to such monumentally unpopular ideas as the DMZ after the Cardassian war which resulted in dozens of worlds being on the wrong side of the border. When Picard goes to protest the seemingly arbritrary relocation of native Americans (IN SPACE!) he's pretty much told "the Federation Council says we're doing this" and it hardly sounds as if the people were taking it lying down either.

Not to say that this kind of thing doesn't happen in real life - doubtless any sufficiently informed person could rattle off a dozen things which have gone against the collective will of the people... but these things can often be appealed and protested. Here the impression was given that the big boys had decided what was happening and everyone else just had to take it. It seems fairly obvious the move wasn't popular as the formation of the Maquis suggests.

In fact, there is perhaps no greater demonstration that the democratic process has failed to accommodate people satisfactorily than said people taking up arms... and the Maquis seemed to enjoy widespread support throughout all the worlds in and around the DMZ. While it seems likely that they were wiped out by the Dominion... the fact that people in a time so apparently enlightened resorted to such methods - and enjoyed support and even defection from more than a few high ranking starfleet officers - speaks volumes about the Federation that are never spelt out.

Perhaps this is all made rather more strange by the fact that Earth seems to be some kind of veritable paradise - and in fact, is described in just that way in DS9 - whereas the colonies are generally shown as pretty poorly developed... Not that we really get a very good idea of how things are in the Federation... still, it seems that the Federation Council pretty much runs the show... and we've never really heard talk about elections or anything like that. It seems that the Federation is run more by some people deciding what's best for everyone more than anything - although, this would hardly be the first time that accusations of communism had been levelled at the show.

It simply seems ironic that a programme which supposedly espouses such an optimistic and bright future seems so utterly devoid of the trappings of democracy - or indeed anything other than some form of benign oligarchy. That couple with the fact that the Federation has had a rather troubled history - war and conflict with pretty much all their neighbours... many more than once - and the problems of discrimination that we've seen - Data was going to be dismantled because he was initially considered property rather than a person, Doctor Bashir risked expulsion from Starfleet simply because his parents had him genetically augmented and The Doctor on Voyager was ostensibly treated as a second class citizen because he was a hologram... and he was the lucky one, the copies in the Alpha Quadrant got stuck working in mines. Taken as a whole, the Federation hardly seems like some kind of utopian ideal it's often portray was as - in fact, in some aspects it seems worse than contemporary Western society.

Science fiction has an unfortunate habit... it likes to put humanity on a pedestal. Somehow, we're just this awesomely wonderful race. Special and wonderful and just lovely. What does it mean?

Basically - humanity isn't much. People think that humanity is the greatest thing ever. Destined to heal the universe, ascend to a higher plane and so and so forth. Even Babylon 5 thought that humans were pretty amazing... despite our lack of comparative technological advancement. Not that it really spelt out all that much.

Unlike Star Trek - which went "Oh by the way, Humans are pretty much awesome and will become omnipotent!" and SG-1, which said "Humans are descended from omnipotent beings!" Hell, Star Trek had the stupidest episode ever where an act of immense stupidity - wilful exposure to a deadly virus - was expounded to make humans somehow special... especially stupid, I'd say.

Farscape was better. It liked to point out that humanity was - of the species shown - the shortest lived, the least resilient... just generally not that great. Which is somewhat ironic given the fact that 99% of races in Star Trek lived easily twice as long as Humans. Men in Black also playfully poked fun.

Dr. Who seems to be uncertain - at times, The Doctor is keen on humanity. Lauding humanity for going off and exploring, then going off about how humanity are "the monsters"... Still, given the focus of the show - especially as it is now - he pretty much has to be enamoured with humans... or the show wouldn't work.

Also, human morality - that is to say Judeo-Christian flag waving, truth, justice and the American Way morality - is the best in the universe and superior to all. Realism isn't an object, eh?

Stargate has become... in many ways the Star Trek of the 2000s... that is to say, a long running show that has spawned sequels... The little known Stargate: Infinity and the better known Stargate: Atlantis... which is to be discussed herein.

Atlantis was... an opportunity for Stargate. The opportunity was to put in a new set of characters, a different enemy and just make for something beyond the general "village on planet P3whatever" format that Stargate had built itself up on.

They did at least manage to escape the mythology aspect... but then, that was one of SG-1's strengths. Even if it got somewhat forgotten toward the end - what with people pretending to be gods being replaced with beings who actually were gods... more or less. Nope the "big bad" for Atlantis was to be diabolical SPACE VAMPIRES!

Who have pretty much disappeared since we found out about Replicators 2.0... and of course, that's in between all the RANDOM VILLAGE and RANDOM PLANET episodes that don't really have much to do with anything... perhaps the most embarrassing thing is that we have a cast that now closely resembles the SG-1 cast, the quipping commander, the science person, the strong and silent guy and the person who knows the cultures and stuff.

Rodney is probably the only truly original character, given that he got his start on SG-1... as kind of an anti-Carter. Weir also got her start on SG-1 (though played by a different actress)... but she seems to serve no real purpose. On paper, she'd seem like an equivalent to General Hammond but in reality she is far, far more irritating and possibly the worst negotiator ever. It feels as if she was put in charge of Atlantis for the sole reason of having a "strong" woman in charge and to create that ever tiresome military/civilian conflict. As it is, all she does is moan on in an irrating fashion - presumably because the writers haven't a clue what to do with her.

The Wraith also became the most quickly nerfed race ever. In the first season... they could take entire clips to take down but by the seasons two, they're going down if you look at them funny
they'd die... and then they became pretty thin on the ground once we discovered there were Replicators in the Pegasus galaxy. Of course, these Replicators are - how handy for the budget! - never evil mechano. Nope, they're just people. They're not very good Replicators!

So, only three seasons in and the show is already pretty much SG-1 - even to the point of having the same baddies... rather embarrassing that it can't stand on its own merits. Sure, the Wraith weren't exactly great but there was potential there but as soon as their civil war started, that was them consigned to the dustbin and now it seems we must dine on Replicators for breakfast lunch and dinner. They were the mid-season cliffhanger AND involved in the season finale cliffhanger. It seems to only prove that the creative team of Stargate has totally stagnated. They can provide you 40 minutes of sci-fi related life wasting but it's never really more than that.

Enterprise - the only post TOS show to get less than seven seasons...

It's been almost exactly two years since this ill fated show departed the small screen forever - managing to surpass DS9 effortlessly for worst finale ever - and it's not really surprising that it didn't last long. Much as with Voyager, it was a concept that was not beyond redemption. In fact, it could probably have been done rather well if any thought or coherence had been lent to the idea.

Naturally, it wasn't though and so even the hopelessly loyal Star Trek fans who swore death before dishonour switched off in their droves - not that the omission of the words "Star" and "Trek" from the title, for a substantial amount of time helped - and by the time Manny Cotto was given creative control over the still warm corpses of Rick Berman and Brannon Braga, it was too late.

The show was a step back, both literally and figuratively. By the end of Voyager many fans were starting to feel that there wasn't much to do... TOS and TNG had done the Alpha and Beta Quadrant, DS9 did the Gamma and Voyager did the Delta - which really wasn't the case given that little of the Gamma Quadrant was explored and despite Janeway's deranged detours because of the several big jumpers

Enterprise was clearly conceived to get back to that spirit of exploration that TOS and early TNG had captured and which had so clearly been lost, so much so that in Star Trek: Insurrection Picard even comments "Can anyone remember when we used to be explorers?" Not just that but to have that... Old West sensibility that could sometimes be felt in TOS, people on a frontier... and of course, to dramatically cut the amount of treknobabble.

You can tell that they wanted to send a message that there'd be less treknobabble when in the first episode, Archer is confronted with the phrase "Temporal Cold War" and doesn't understand it. Ironically, the Temporal Cold War would go on to be one of the more problematic elements of this troubled show - a case in point that storylines should be planned out and not just made up as and when it's required.

The main flaws with the show were really more general... its place in continuity, the characters and the plot...

Its place in continuity is rather precarious... Shortly before the formation of the Federation and a couple of generations before Kirk would take the helm. You'd think THE first Captain of a big fancy ship who goes out, does some exploring and saves Earth a few times would be as big a legend as Kirk... oops. Then of course you have the fact that many species introduced in Enterprise - Denobulans - are never seen or heard of again... which makes the already overpopulated Trekverse even more so. Then of course, there was the fact that instead of the Earth/Romulan war we got the Earth/Xindi war... if you could CALL it a war. More like a quest... a pretty dull quest.

Next we have the characters... initially we were promised characters who were "rough around the edges". To be honest, there was no real reason for that... NASA crews aren't rough around the edges... it's not hard to get a ship to be crewed by professionals, after all. As it was - they were all bland... Phloxx was happy and easy going, T'Pol wore a jumpsuit and was stuck up... Archer shouted "REPORT!" a lot and generally taking the moral high horse only when it suited him and the rest just blended together. This was an obvious mistake... TNG could sometimes pull off what wasn't really that great an episode because of the strength of characters... and even in Voyager you could at least relate to the fact Janeway was a crazy bitch or that Tom Paris was irritating.

The plot was problematic - in that it hadn't really been thought through. You'd think that if you were doing a prequel, you'd want it to fit in with the existing stuff... and hence, plan carefully but no... we got a lot of dull episodes. Enterprise was a good chance to establish more precisely how the Trek universe ticked and how the Federation came to be... they ran so low on ideas, they had to have a Borg episode. Then there was mess of the Temporal Cold War... which never really felt it was going anywhere... and of course, the Xindi War... which admittedly had its moments but was problematic in that Archer seemed fairly capable of just switching off his morals - most likely making him an ancestor of Janeway.

The potential for success was there but they made a real fudge of things. The technology was too advance - transporters? Grav plating? And so on. Sure, it wasn't the button pushing ease of Voyager but it still felt better than TOS and that was always going to be a problem. They also totally failed to instil any sense of awe or wonder. It was pretty much the regular "what's going to happen at this planet"? And so on and it all came at a time when Trek couldn't afford such mistakes. The new film looks set to be readying itself to not learn from history.